Scott Westerfeld's "The Leviathan" trilogy review

I started reading this series because I wanted a good steampunk story.  I finished it because I wanted to see the characters die.  They didn't.

So a girl named Dylan wants to become a sky sailor classic Mulan style.  So she changes her name to Deryn.  Or maybe it was the other way around.  I'm not sure.  She likes to say the word "barking" instead of "fucking" and maybe it's okay because the kids don't know.  But I know so why the hell do these people talk about dogs when they should be talking about sex the cuss word should have been "Squirting" or "Orgaming" or something along those lines.  See, the kids still don't know.  You can stop making me cringe now.

So her chest is so small that she can pose as a sailor in close quarters with a hundred other sailors who are all men and not get found out.  For several months.  I think she's past puberty.  Maybe she's not and she just has a really deep voice.  That would explain a lot of things.  Maybe she's one of those girls who were supposed to be boys but weren't.  But then Allen would be in some trouble.  Or Alek.  I think his name was Alek, actually.  He's the other protagonist.  The hero.  I think.  He's kind of moody.  Just like all teenage heroes.  Nothing strange here, move along.

You see, there are so many cool ways that these two people could have died.

Death by airship

Death by walking tank

Death by Kraken.  Barking Kraken, for Bark's sake, you mother barker.  

See?  Wouldn't it be cool if one of the bland characters were to die by barking kraken, barking style?  Or, maybe not, if that's not their orientation.  It would make them so much more cool.  Likable. 

 "See, here's a guy who knows how to get himself killed.  Tentacled by a giant bio-engineered kraken.  Shot by a walking tank.  Dropped from the butt of a giant flying whale-ship thingie."

That's what I would have thought.  

So here's my verdict: 4 barking barks out of 5, would bark again while characters eat giant squid tentacle.  In my head.  Otherwise, the story was fine.  They kissed and the story ended.  Finally.  After three barking books.

Ha.  

Alliteration.