One-way ticket to heaven

So I was walking around campus today and all of the sudden I hear a girl say to another random girl--

"I'm putting together an all girl's D&D campaign."

I almost trip.  The guy I'm walking next to looks at me kind of funny.  My mouth is ajar.  I lost the lid when I heard "all girls," and "D&D campaign" in the same sentence.  I mean, just think about that.  For a moment.

This

is what a D&D campaign should look like.  At most one girl.  Two is pushing strange.  Three is just outright impossible.

But an all girl's campaign?  Holy Jesus!

Grab the wig!  Call up my buddy Sherlock!  Put some mascara on my lips and powder on my wig!  Out the door to buy a dress!

I want to be a part of this! 

But wait.  I need a better plan.  My abs are too stiff for a girl.  My pecs are too square to pass as round.  My neck is too thick--

--you get the point.  So what am I going to do?

Option one:

Get fat!  This guy did it!  I can too, right?  I just have to find somewhere to get one of those fat suits.  Ebay?  The thrift shop?  

All right.  This will work.  I just have to hope that the girls don't notice my square jaw or my biceps bulging through the fabric.  

But, is there a better option?  I mean, that suit looks heavy.  And besides, I really don't want to get pinned as 'that fat girl' in a room that will be full of hot chicks.  Right?  Hot chicks, right?  Cuz, you know, they're girls, and they play dungeons and dragons, so they have to be hot.  

So what else can I do?

Option two: 

Join the club.  If you can't beat'em, you join e'm, said lots of people during wartime.  And who am I kidding, this is war!

So, I did a little bit of research.  With medical treatment--not secondarily surgery--I can get my gender legally changed in California, Vermont, Washington, Oregon, and DC.  Too bad I live in Louisiana.

Option 3:

Unashamed compromise!

If I wear something totes cra cra, they'll have to recognize my initiative and let me in.  I mean, it will be embarrassing to get there, but who am I kidding, the ends justify the means here.  They can't say no to fashion, nu-uh.  I'll get my princess voice all warmed up before hand, and I'll check out my nails every five seconds so they'll never have a chance to protest.

I'm kind of worried, though, because I won't be able to stay in character twice.  I mean, in D&D, the adventure takes precedence, no matter what.  So, if I get a gruff dwarf berserk-er with a chaotic evil alignment, there's no way I'll be able to act him out to the stringent specifications required by the D&D gods.  And, since I'll be in heaven, I don't want to get on their bad side anyways.  

So what else is there?

Option 4: 

Admit defeat.  After thinking about it, this option is starting to get better and better.  I mean, who am I kidding?  Heaven's no place for a lonely adventurer.  I don't even have the alignment for it.  True neutral, all the way here.  There ain't no gods in my sphere that would allow that sort of unabashed skulduggery to go unchecked.  It's too pure.

But, I can't.  I can't give up.  I have to keep pushing, it's what an adventure would do.  I'll level up.  I'l grind monsters.  I'll come up with epic back stories.  I'll be a good player.  I'll even bring my own character sheets.  I'll work my ass off to be the best adventurer there is.  

Option 5:

Just ask.  They're people too, those girls playing D&D.  I mean, they may not want to let a guy in at first, but if I make a strong enough case, I'm sure that they'll be lenient.  

Unless they're rabid feminists or something.  

In which case, I'd rather stay away from them.