Conversations

We all know the feeling. We'll be reading along, when we encounter a conversation, and we think, who said what? As a result, we'll have to go back to the last dialog tag--perhaps half a page away--and restart the conversation to discover who, exactly, said what.

It's a common mistake, one that I make all the time, when I'm not paying attention. When dialog tags are eschewed in favor of style, there is always the danger that the reader will lose track of who's who.

So. How to avoid this?

First, let's look at an example of a lost dialog flow.

Billy stepped into the car.  Dylan put his arm against the roof.  Billy placed the key into the ignition.  He turned it.

"So, how is your wife?"

"She's good.  We had our anniversary last month."

"Did you?  Was it fun?"

"Oh, you bet.  I'm glad to be Mr. Billy Sharpe."

Dylan shifted his arm.  Billy started the car.  He pushed down on the clutch.  

"Ha, and I'll bet your wife is really glad you're Mr. Sharpe."

"What's that supposed to mean?"  Billy asked.  


I tried to make it apparent, but did you notice the disconnect?  That subtle pulling away that happens when you realize that you don't know which mouth the dialog is coming out of?

Let's analyze that feeling.

First off. Remember last week, when I talked about motivation reaction units in action sequences? Well, dialog is a part of that motivation-reaction rhythm. To recap, a motivation reaction rhythm is a linear progression of events within a textual scenario that emphasizes cause and effect. The cause affects the effect. This happens within the text in order to create scene flow.  It's sort of like shot composition in a movie.

And, like in shot composition, dialog within written works deserves to be linear.  What would you feel, if during a movie, a camera cut to one character moving, and the other character spoke instead of the character in the screen?  Sure, it might be used for effect, but in any case, it would be jarring.

The same is true of written dialog.  In order for the most effect to be had from a line of dialog, a character must be present within the mind of the reader before the line is delivered.


Billy stepped into the car. Dylan put his arm against the roof. Billy placed the key into the ignition.  He turned it. Dylan shifted his weight onto his toes.

"So, how is your wife?"

"She's good.  We had our anniversary last month."

Dylan let a sly grin creep across his face.

"Did you?  Was it fun?"

Billy gave a good-natured scoff.

"Oh, you bet.  I'm glad to be Mr. Billy Sharpe."

Dylan shifted his arm. Billy started the car. He pushed down on the clutch.

Dylan swung his legs into the car's passenger seat.  

"Ha, and I'll bet your wife is really glad you're Mr. Sharpe."

"What's that supposed to mean?"  Billy asked.

In this example, the 'scene cuts,' so to speak, have been rearranged to fit logically. As you can see, this leads to a much more fluid progression of dialog, a more vivid sequence of events within the reader's head.  There is less that the reader has to calculate inside of his head, less that the reader has to infer from context.

So, as a general rule:  always cut to the character who has a line of dialog before that line of dialog is delivered.  You may do it in any manner--through tags, motions, a direct mention, even implication, though I wouldn't try that unless you are absolutely certain you know what you're doing.

And, of course, this method needs no dialog tags, so it is possible to do away with them entirely.  However, if one does want to use dialog tags, there are certain ways in which they can be used that can increase, rather than decrease, the artistry of the situation.


Billy stepped into the car. Dylan put his arm against the roof. Billy placed the key into the ignition.  He turned it. Dylan shifted his weight onto his toes.

"So," he said, "how is your wife?"

"She's good.  We had" Billy said, "our anniversary last month."

Dylan let a sly grin creep across his face.

"Did you?" he asked.  "Was it fun?"

Billy gave a good-natured scoff.

"Oh, you bet.  I'm glad to be Mr. Billy Sharpe."

Dylan shifted his arm. Billy started the car. He pushed down on the clutch.

Dylan swung his legs into the car's passenger seat.  

"Ha, and I'll bet your wife" Dylan said,  "is really glad" he continued,  "that you're Mr. Sharpe."

"What's that supposed to mean?"  Billy asked.

Did you notice how the placement of dialog tags can imply natural pauses in conversation?

Let's take this line for example.

"Ha, and I'll bet your wife" Dylan said,  "is really glad" he continued,  "that you're Mr. Sharpe."

"What's that supposed to mean?"  Billy asked.

Dylan's statement suddenly brims forth with personality.  He's sarcastic, he's playfully biting, he's elbowing his friend in the side with his comment.  All because of the implication that he's pausing twice, within the sentence.

For comparison:

"Ha, and I'll bet your wife" Dylan said,  "is really glad" he continued,  "that you're Mr. Sharpe."

"Ha, and I'll bet your wife is really glad you're Mr. Sharpe."

Do you hear the difference?  That's what dialog tags, when used right, can do for a sentence.  They simulate natural pauses in the conversation, while also performing their given function, that is, to tag dialog.

I hope you enjoyed my advanced writing tips today!  New writing updates every Tuesday and Thursday, new story updates every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  See you then!